Well, I think like many of you, the thought of reading NM just brought a feeling of anxiety and sadness! And of course the beginning, is the worst...SM didn't waste any time did she? But, in getting through these first 3 chapters yet again, I've found that I was more at peace than any other time. Of course the most obvious explanation for that is because I have read them so many times, I already know what is going to happen in "The End". But, I also think that I was able to enjoy more of the details of what went on in this day and half, and I focused more on what Bella was feeling as she thought SHE was going to leave too.
Because I love to scrapbook, my heart was triggered as she felt the urge to start documenting her time in Forks. I can't imagine doing it, because you thought you were leaving. But, I know we can all feel that urgency in SM's writing as Bella suddenly realized that this might be her last few days in what she now considered HOME.
And of course, since we all know the end of NM, you can't help but put yourself into Edward's mind in the beginning. I think that is what helped me through these chapters as well, knowing that Edward was forcing himself - through pure agony - to go through with his decision...right vs. wrong...as he states to Bella the night of her birthday!
Anyway, I know it's tough, but you can get through these chapters...just think of what wonderful pages lie ahead (way ahead, unfortunately...).
9 comments:
Thanks for this post. I actually just started reading New Moon last night. I have been particularly anxious about starting it this time. My first time through just shocked me more than anything I think, then my second time through I felt the agonizing heartbreak of it all (even though I knew the end). So I suppose this time, my 3rd time through, I'm remembering the tears I shed my last time reading it. But honestly, just reading these things on this post has really helped me, I feel stronger :) I can do it! I also keep telling myself that I have one of the best things coming at the end of this book! What a great thing to look forward to. I know without a doubt, the end of NM is in my top 3 best of Twilight, easy. But that thought goes on a different post entirely, sorry!
Ok, I'm off to read.
Perfectly put E.
Before I get to the horrifying stuff I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the birthday party scene. Her interactions before the incident are so endearing. And then Carlisles description of Edward's change, really struck me like never before. A good reminder of the drama, and the humaness behind the man he is now. But I didn't want to keep reading. I didn't want to face the inevitable.
There is such a searing constrast between the entrance to the Cullens, with Edward laughing so light-heartedly at Bella's "will you show up in the picture" joke and the end when they leave. When he enters the room after Bella's injury is treated, it starts. "there was something wrong with his eyes". I don't think his mind was made up at this point, at least not completely (what do you guys think?) but I think he was preparing for what he "had" to do. Then they leave. They entered with such happiness despite Bella bringing up her true birthday wish. Then the exit. Edward doesn't speak. Carlisle and Esme exchange worried glances. The contrast is so extreme. It was like a dull pain starting. The beginning of a stomach ache and heart ache mixed together.
If I had been wearing my heart-rate monitor I swear it would have gradually gone up in beats as I read Bella's worry and lived Edwards actions that caused it. I too found her reflextions on Forks so, lets see, emotionally reflective. I thought is was an excellent way for SM to plant doubts or obstacles for Bella to truly have to face in order to be with Edward. I was surprised by her reactions actually. In the past she had been willing to over look anything and everything. And even though she felt just as sure about being with Edward, she was at least facing what she was leaving more realistically.
But unfortunately when I finally convinced myself to continue past Bella's birthday, I not only felt Bella's anguish but Edwards even more powerfully. Like you said Erin, knowing what we know now, I shuddered at every interaction when he didn't look at her, ingnored her, was passive, etc. How painful even that very short time must have been for him. I wonder if he was able to be numb to it until after the goodbye. Acting solely for what he felt was absolutely necessary. A real actor. Completely forgetting his real self. She refers often to the look in his eyes. Smiles never reaching them, something wrong. Like Edward had disappeared and replaced himself with an imposter.
(So yes, I am wrapping it up)
It took me a little by surprise when tears began to trickle down my cheeks when I read: "Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand."
See what I mean by the actor. How DID he pull off an unemotional voice here?
It took me by surprise, the tears, because I haven't cried every time Edward has left. And I wasn't expecting too. And usually I cried at Bella's reactions, her pain. This time I was aching for what he must be enduring, for his pain.
But I will agree with Erin. Once I was past these horrible pages, the relief came very quickly and the pain didn't linger, like the first few times I read this book.
Now I'm in the middle and handling it much better emotionally.
Darn, sad I missed you friend. Yes is does go on a different post. And I wanted to mention a thorough discussion of Edward leaving will be on a separate post as well, just reaction here, not justification or thrashing.
Sorry just one more thing. I didn't realize until this reading, or at least I don't remember, that a New Moon is not the first sliver of a crescent we see in the moons cycle. (so actually my picture doesn't match). The New Moon is a dark night. The moon isn't visible for a time.
The symbolism there, is, well, pierces my heart.
Jacob is already referred to as the sun. And even though I am a BIG sun person, I love how magically SM weaves the lunar symbolism with what Edward is forced to be, a creature of the night. But lovely night. Twilights, moons, eclipses. Sigh.
Wow, your comments were great, thank you for sharing. I always love to read your thoughts, you're so very good at articulating your feelings, unlike myself. I almost hate to comment after that!
But I did finish up with the first 3 chapters today. What an emotional ride that is to go on. I love how you pointed out what a contrast the entrance to the birthday party was to the way they left. Wow.
I enjoyed chapter one a lot. I would love to hear all the details of the "happiest summer anyone anywhere had ever had.." I'm not the only one right? I love all the interactions between the 2 of them at school and at her house. How Edward tells her "Too bad" about not wanting to be in a good mood on her birthday. And I love how he can still give her that look, to break her down and get his way, somewhat anyway. Only Bella could still hold her own partially at least.
And yes, Carlisle's descriptions of Edward and his feelings about Edward struck me as well. How he's everything he'd want his own son to be. It really makes me even more attached to Carlisle through this conversation, what a guy.
I do agree that he only started to make the decision once he got outside after the accident at his house. But moreso while Bella was sleeping the night of her birthday, when he was thinking about "right and wrong" - after that amazing, sad, sweet kiss. I think you're right about him being numb as well (that's what you're saying right?), during those few days before he left. He was so absent, probably in shock as to what was going to happen, and gearing himself up to make her believe what he was going to say to her. I thought I was going to make it through their whole conversation without crying, but toward the end, when his eyes shifted back to liquid topaz, and he asked her to please take care of herself, that's where I lost it. That's where you know he couldn't completely cut himself off from her. I want to know what he is thinking, even though it will be agonizing to read I'm sure (she says she's going to write chapter 3 in his perspective after New Moon right?). Like when he looks down for a moment, his mouth twitches a little, he takes a deep breath, trying to find that strength within to do this. I noticed how she would say that he was always watching her face. Like with her devastation of Alice leaving, all of that must have been so painful for him to watch her comprehend. He knows her so well, all the looks she makes, it would be interesting if he could read her mind during this part.
Anyway, I know this didn't flow very well, but I am glad to be past it and anxious to keep reading at get to some happier things. I'll end by saying again that I can't believe how Stephenie can practically make you actually feel the emotions her characters go through. Her descriptive writing is truly amazing. (I know I use that word a lot in reference to Twilight, but does anyone blame me?)
Wow. Great post, thoughts and comments. I feel unprepared to leave my own--do you guys write these essays before you post them so you can take time to revise? I'm very impressed with how in-depth you get.
I was just going to add that I, too, felt the pain each time Edward didn't look at Bella. She describes so well the feelings of worry and anxiety, knowing that something had changed in their relationship but not knowing what exactly. We all remember that uncertainty that comes with dating. Agh! Glad to be past these chapters.
You know I wanted to mention that too, that I also felt the pain every time Edward didn't look at her those last few days before he left. It got a little worse each day, and knowing how much Edward loves to look, stare, gaze, etc, at Bella...it's just pure pain, for both of them. Especially that night at her house, when the whole time he spent there was watching sports with Charlie. Even when he said he would be right behind her, and he never left the living room. And Bella's descriptions of pain, like her stomach hurting and she put a fist there to alleviate some of the discomfort she felt there. Through all their silence, I was screaming in my head too, but wanting Bella to just talk to him and not stop until he snaps out of it! But I can be an overcommunicator in my own relationship at times, so what do I know. Anyway, so glad to be past them too.
Um, should I say thanks for that once again very painful replay.
Thanks.
But true. Sniff.
Okay,I am going to try to be brief, because I have been reading fast and keep losing my train of thought.
I vividly remember as I was reading the first chapter the first time, I was so in shock as to what happened. And like Bella, I was not expecting Edward to leave. I felt like I was feeling everything as she ran through the forest and then became so totally numb. And this time has been much the same. I haven't gotten emotional, in terms of crying, but even though I knew it was coming, I delayed reading the middle of chapter 3, I just delayed the whole day, knowing what was coming. Those month pages were just so heartwrenching. I remember what it was like the first time, and I remember thinking that again, SM is a genius. Because just those months listed say more that any other words could.
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